Each individual's truth is different. This is my angle.

Within Your Heart.

Quick life lesson learnt;

There is nothing quite as soul shattering as feeling replaceable in a dear one’s life. So, never make another feel that way. Whether it be a partner, parent, sibling, or friend.
If you love someone, like truly care for him/her, be scared to lose that person. No matter how close you are, how comfortable you are with him/her, consider him/her, and show your love. Don’t let someone feel replaced, whether by things, time, and worst of all, by another person. It’s so easy to forget the old trusted when the new and shiny is causing that tingly excitement.
Allow the new in, if it’s good for you, but remember who was by your side through it all. Because when it all comes crashing down, as it so often happens in life, those are the ones who will lift you up, dust you off, and make it their mission to get you back into the big, bad, wonderful world.

 

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.” [Bukhari]

Hold the happiness of those close to you within your heart, their sadness, too. Let their happiness be yours, and yours be theirs. In this, grief and anxiety is halved, and joyfulness, LOVE is doubled!
And all praise is due to Him alone.
Peace 🙂
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Today I Saw a Stranger

Today, I saw you
You were laughing,
Head held back
With your gorgeous smile
You did not see me,
Seeing you.

And I thought;
What a fleeting moment,
Here now
And gone so soon,

Almost like
The time we had together:
Here now
And gone too soon.
A memory.

But that memory.
That memory
Which leaves much to be desired.
I laugh at my female foolishness.
I watch myself,
Missing you,
And I laugh
At my moment of weakness.

I’m allowed though.
Because I gave you my all.
A safe haven,
Against worldly harshness.
A heart,
Which beat for you.

You took no care,
And did not understand
That which was given to you:
A loyal heart.

A loyal heart,
Which you shattered.

And so today
Will not stand out in history.
Because I saw you today;
A stranger,
Laughing.

And so,
Within a world
In which
You were my world.
I saw you today,
And I smiled
At the second chance I’d been given,
Without you.

Anchored

I met you
In a time
When I was broken
I met you
I saw you
And could not stop looking

At a face?
No.
We’ve never been only skin deep
I looked and saw within
Shining eyes,
A broken soul.

And you smiled.
Teasing eyes.
Quick words.
A fleeting glance.
And a beating
Beautiful
Heart.

Who knew,
You would become my safety
In strange lands.
My mind’s battle
With itself.
My test of trust,
In you
And in me.
My reality,
In an imaginary world.

Who knew,
You would become my heart’s anchor
In suffocating seas.

Happy Father’s Day to my amazing Mom.

I often still think about that time, almost 12 years ago, when You had to transform into both parents. Our lives changed within an instant. It wasn’t that You had to learn how to be my Daddy as well, it was that the strength that was already there, emerged. It was as though I could literally see Mommy’s resilience build, I could see Your heart strengthen. I often don’t have the words to express my love and admiration for You, they get stuck somewhere along the way as I realise the inadequacy of what I was about to say. But I want You to know this- when I look at Mommy, I see a physical form of Allah’s mercy and love for me. And it overwhelms me, it is too much for my heart to handle.

Make dua for me, Mommy, that I live everyday trying to become worthy of being Your daughter. That I too, one day, can show my children the meaning of being a powerful woman, and more importantly, of being a grateful slave to our Maker. Make dua for me, Mommy, for my heart to strengthen, because Your duas for me are of the purest form. They are unselfish, free of personal gain.

Don’t worry Daddy,I haven’t forgotten about You! May Allah bless Daddy with Jannatul Firdous, without reckoning. And may that be where we are all reunited. You continue to exist in my silent smiles, beautiful memories, and heartfelt duas. You exist within me. And you have nothing to worry about, you left behind a family who still relies on one another, and who learnt to rely on their Allah. May He reward You and keep You in Everlasting Peace.

I love you both, with every part of my being.

Why so Closed?

Tonight I was asked by a 50 odd year old Muslim male why I’m “so closed up”, referring to the manner in which I was dressed. Initially, I thought maybe he’s just surprised as the last time he saw me was when I was years younger, more careless, and “less closed” (lol). But then, I saw his expression; a mix of surprise and utter distaste. You know that look when you taste something you don’t like? That automatic expression? He didn’t even try hiding it.

I looked at him, smiled and said “Yes Uncle, it’s been a few years hey? I’ve been dressing like this for a while now.” And that’s it.

Now, as I sit in my home, I think of the things I could have said. You know how we do this. Lol. The could’ves, would’ves, should’ves. And what comes to mind is the following :

“Firstly, Uncle, I’m covering my head, not my brain. I can understand, with all the misrepresentation and misguidance from media how the Western world may think I’m oppressed, but you Uncle? You know me, since I was a child. You know I’ve always been someone who does what I want, does what feels right to me. You know I have the craziest imagination and I love to laugh. You know I become a kid in the rain and love to watch the stars. You know I can be very competitive and have a great love for working with people.

Uncle, you know I aim to do my best in all I do. So why, why is it so hard to understand that I’m trying to do my best in pleasing our Creator? Why do you make it harder, when it’s so easy to be happy for me? I do not expect, nor do I need your approval or appreciation. But I do expect your respect. I do expect your understanding, which is far beyond my years, of the wisdom behind Allah’s command of women covering up.

Now Uncle, I’d like to let you in on a little secret. DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW LEKKER IT IS TO NEVER HAVE A BAD HAIR DAY?!! Nah, kidding, that’s not it. What I want to tell you is, since dressing this way, I cannot leave my home without wanting to be better, for me, for others, and for my Allah. This adds to the quality of the society I live in, it does not detract from it. I cannot even comprehend how He chose me, a worthless slave, to represent my Islam in how I dress. He chose me, Uncle! Do you understand this honour? It brings me to tears! I know I’m not worthy, but I’m trying. So please Uncle, don’t make it harder on those who are trying.

Next time you see me or any other female, however we may be dressed, try smiling politely and maybe even a nod of encouragement. And Uncle, if you can’t do that, please be quiet and keep a neutral expression. Women have enough to deal with, like becoming awesome at everything we put our minds to.

Lastly Uncle, you may never understand this, but these pieces of cloth covering my head and hiding the shape of my body, I LOVE it. It makes me feel free. It makes me happy. My covering makes me feel closer to Allah. And that should be enough for you; it is enough for me.”

Of course, all of this would be said respectfully, with a polite smile. Perhaps next time, God willing!

Peace 🙂

To my friend :)

My Dear Friend

Tomorrow you leave, and if I’m honest with myself, I don’t know when I’ll see you again. I’m happy for you, that you’re going home (or to your “first home” as I like to call it), because you’ll be reunited with your loved ones and you’ll be back in your loved and blessed land. But I’m also sad. Sad for us, in Cape Town, because we’re losing a gem, if even for a while. Sad for our team, because we’re losing our leader, who lead through example. And sad for me. This one’s a bit selfish, but allow me, because I’m “losing” a friend.

As we both know, I can’t always say things as I’d like to, but I find power in the written word. So I hope this can do a little bit of justice to what I’m trying to say. You see, I met you knowing you wanted to meet with a certain purpose. I wasn’t quite sure I liked you much back then (Lol). But you grew on me, as you let your guard down a little, and then me. It wasn’t just through the many conversations, but through your sincerity in action and your silent faith. It actually stunned me. I learnt, through you, that we can push harder through adversity than I had ever realised. You don’t realise this about yourself, but I’ve seen you leave an impact wherever you go. People ask me about you, and I can only speak good (contrary to what you may believe LOL).

There are very few people who I’ve met who has reaffirmed my conviction in the things I believe in, even fewer have done this through their example of character. Thank you for being this person.

I’ve been witness to your anger, your passion, your happiness, your conviction, your sadness, and I’ve seen you change over time. I’ve seen your character build and I’ve seen how much Allah loves you.

Thank you for the respect you’ve always shown me. This is something I’ll treasure forever. You’ve made higher the bar on the standard of future possible friends ;). Thank you for understanding the boundaries and respecting this and for acknowledging and respecting my differences of opinion, despite your very strong personality. Thank you for the many life lessons and many laughs. Thank you for showing me a bit of the place I love so much, yet have never been to. Thank you for the Arabic lessons (I’m kidding Lol). Know that you’ll be awesome wherever you find yourself :). Just always believe in yourself, keep doing what you’re doing, and keep being who you are.

Thank you, my friend, for everything you’ve done, most of which can’t be contained in a letter. Thank you, for teaching life, sir.

With a (heavy) happy heart,
Your friend,
Ayesha

There comes a time in our lives when we realise that there are certain individuals who no longer “serve a purpose”. It’s difficult at first because we become attached and just so used to said person being around, but after a while it does become easier. So we distance ourselves with the hope that we’re not hurting the person while simultaneously secretly wishing that the person reciprocates the motion.

Let us turn this around. What happens when you’re the one being distanced from? When seemingly out of nowhere, with no warning signs, someone you thought you were pretty close to, starts moving away from you? I’d have to say that this is just so much harder. There are of course the exceptions, who’d easily say, “well, if you think I’m not good enough, then you’re the one who’s not good enough!” But for the most part, it’s not always that easy. Firstly, because sometimes the person is a genuinely amazing human being- he/she is actually beyond “good enough”. And secondly, because if he/she is good enough, you know that there are valid reasons for this shift.

I’ve come to realise (in my not so long life) that it’s not always about us (surpriiiise!). Sometime it’s about the friend who needs to move on to other things, and what he/she needs presently to grow and be better. And sometimes, as bitter a pill as it is to swallow, we do not always positively add to this journey of development. This in no way takes away from the friendship having being true. It could have been the truest, but like most things in life, it has had its set time to blossom. Something comforting to remember is that Allah chose for you to meet for a reason, and in some way you’ve impacted one another’s lives in a way that only you were meant to.

It’s okay that someone can live without you. Really. Allah is so merciful, and He would never allow someone to feel that way about us, if we also could not live without them. In this is the most beautiful of reminders. Be attached to none other than Allah, and your heart will never break because He who created it is the only One who knows how to truly nurture it. Easier said than done, I know. But give it a try- there’s so much contentment in this.

Even in someone distancing him/herself from us, there are blessings. How amazing is our Creator?! Realise that you WILL be blessed with what is better for you. Allah takes away things we’re dependent on to test our dependence on Him. And (God-willing), when we pass this test, we are blessed with even better; what He deems as best for us.

A good friend is someone who knows when something’s not okay with their friend, someone who’s there when he/she needs you, someone who doesn’t even need to be told to be there. But a true friend ALWAYS wants what is best for their friend, they want them to be on a constant journey of self development and closeness to Allah, even when this journey is void of them.

May we always be surrounded with true friends, and may we always be true friends. Ameen.

Peace 🙂

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